No more “kill yourself kits.”

In a shocking move a member of the Oregon House of Representatives has pushed a passing of a bill to ban the sale of suicide kits, like the do-it-yourself asphyxiation hood used by a man to kill himself late last year. It now must be passed in the Oregon state Senate. What a surprise! However, this would have not touch the touch the physician assisted suicides for the terminally ill that was passed in 1997. Washington is the only other state in the Union to have a similar law.

What brought this issue to the forefront was the acclaim of an elderly woman living in California sells the self-asphyxiation kits via mail order service. Mainly the suicide of a 29-year-old from Eugene, Oregon.

The 91 year old, great grandmother, retired science teacher sells the kits intending to ease the pain of incurable terminally ill individuals. The kits, which sell for $60 including shipping, consist of a plastic hood that closes around the neck and tubing that connects the hood to a tank of helium or other inert gas the patients supply themselves.

Federal agents have raided her home last month and seized documents and other items accusing her of conspiracy, mail fraud, tax evasion and the “sale of (an) adulterated or misbranded medical device.”

However, the federal agents never made it outside. After a couple hours of the agents missing other agents were called in to investigate, found thirteen agents sucking helium and speaking like chipmunks, mainly Alvin. They were having a blast. More surprising was the vampire they found in the basement. The agents became a buffet of the vampire. The undead immortal never had such a feast. Even though the 91 year old woman wasn’t there she is now being charged with blood sucking. The vampire has not been seen since.

Until Next Time,

Coyote Rush

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2 Responses to No more “kill yourself kits.”

  1. arbuchinger says:

    coyote, i’m always impressed with your impeccable reporting.

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