Hello,
It’s James Dust again. I haven’t posted anything in a long time. I’ve been leaving that to my other contributor, James Dust, I mean, Coyote Rush.
I was created out of the need for another person to express himself a long time ago. It’s a name that was first created to post whatever on a Deadsy fan forum website type thing.
It became quite a joke.
However, sadly there are some people that always get hurt. I was not intended to create strife, I was only poking fun where I believed fun needed to be poked. I did like the band Deadsy as much as the rest of us that were on there. The problem is that I started a fight between certain fans as well as friends because I was being ignorant. Intentionally, not at first.
I didn’t realize the amount of work that went into organizing a fan base. That’s why besides James Dust, there were a lot of other nicknames on the board.
My friends and I attended, I believe three concerts in different places, the last being in Toledo. BAH BAH BAH…
Being young and naive, I didn’t know how hard other people were trying to keep up images and save face. I had always prided myself on being myself. Sadly, this lead to other things. My fear at first of being judged lead to me not caring what people thought at all. Which hurt a lot more people than it has helped at this point. Coyote and I feel like we o a world of apologizes for trying to understand the pain that other people are going through.
Again, being young I did not notice.
I’ve always been told I wore my heart on my sleeve. I never grasped that. I always believed that was a good thing. Until it became that every one of my actions caused someone to be reminded that I am still around. I am so lucky to be alive and he is AGAIN blowing another shot at it.
To me, I became so sick of people intervening into my life that I took the approach of, ok, you want to stare me down, I can do the same. I can look at you as you look at me and we can both try to figure out what the other one has went through. That test either turned into a laugh, a cry, a fight, or a completely too long stare down.
Basically, this is the problem for this website right now.
I have helped a lot of people become better. However, I am now taking my helping people as actually being a nuisance. Which is the exact opposite of what I ever wanted to do.
I was raised to believe I was a miracle. I was raised in the church. I prayed and still pray. I prayed so much when I was little that it was a never ending process for me. I tried so hard for good things to happen to people when a bad thing happened even at a young age it ripped my heart out completely.
This continued throughout my growing up. I was laughed at for asking too many questions, I was made to feel a fool because of my trying to follow orders. Yes, they had the best intentions, but, my questions were never fully answered. I would go to church and still ask questions at church, right out loud, everyone thought it was cute. I thought these questions were dead serious, because to me they were. I would ask well, how did this happen and they would read to me from the bible with thunderous volumes and I felt that God was really talking to me, because he was.
People in general try to do good. That’s why I surround myself with the people that I do. However, as I am getting old and turning into an old man, I realize that there are bad people out there, people that will purposely test you to see what you believe in and when they find a sliver, they will slide in there and make it a gapping wound that feels like it will NEVER heal again. Then after that, there are brand new people to tell you what their experience was like. However, no ones life is the same. As much as you compare and contrast, use different terms for other terms, the less someone is going to understand.
In the BIBLE the reason that the Fruit that Adam and Eve eat of is the Tree of Knowledge is because that is really drives or starves our bodies and souls.
When we give up: the body, the soul, food, drink, physical contact, we are stealing from one to give to another. That is why humans are MADE and intended to be with one mate their entire life. Humans’ minds are made up with chemicals that are from this Earth that God put on this planet. That means that unless we are balancing these chemicals in a proper professional way, we will always be a little off. That’s why WE ARE A LITTLE OFF.
I have no shame in admitting I am a little off, or weird, or a tad crazy, but when it gets done to putting one label on me, I immediately turn into protective crazed crazy crazy me. This is because I have stood and protected what I believe for so long that I can’t understand if I am doing a good job of it or if I am actually being the biggest cynic ever.
Yes, I have been cynical toward practically everything at this point in my life. However, I do pray, I do believe in Jesus and I do believe in America and the rest of the world as being GOOD.
There is a reason the bible was written the way it was. That’s why religion will always be touchy. Because some people are ready to go war for that. Same as family. However, just because you believe in what you believe doesn’t mean that has to be the first move. You don’t need to gear up for war every time you go outside to get the mail.
Sometimes it is as easy as saying hello to the woman that is trying to find diapers for her baby. Sometimes it’s as little as opening a door for a child that cannot open the door for themselves, or showing him/her how to wash their hands correctly. It doesn’t have to mean that you are stunting or killing the child. Nope, you ARE helping.
Keep your best intentions and your mind and your emotions will always be on your sleeve…
Thanks Justin,
James Dust