John Candy and camels

Timbuktu, Africa –      “Oh shizzle gizim gazim gar, budagada budagada gleek howlry” a mighty prophet once said…And I believed every word. Only one place on earth could yield the true wisdom of such words,and that is how I find myself in Africa.

Back alleys, back spasms, and Backstreet boys all seem to coincide here. The thought of the Backstreet boys having back spasms in back alleys throws me off kilter, but I must focus. Strange things seem to be going on here; men who resemble Aladdin, sans 3-5 teeth, seem to be everywhere and boys who resemble Speedy Gonzalez are riding mopeds directly at me, just to throw me off of my thin rope of sanity….Still I wonder, why are they riding scooters if they run so fast?

Dark-skinned men carrying  machetes convince me that I should look elsewhere for meaningfulness in this land…That is unless I am in need of vast quantities of cocoa leaves .

  I find myself at the temple of Dakaart Eht Swashooskoot, wondering how people actually communicate with what seems to be pure gibberish. Inside I find a man who resembles John Candy with a heavy tan and  an amazingly fake beard.

Eerie thinks I, that this man is a holy man.. My suspicions are confirmed when he informs me that he is simply here to fix the air conditioning. Touch’e my friend, Touch’e. I ask him if he knows of any wise men residing on the dunes and/or sand pits that surround this place. He seems to indicate that  Allah and Barack Obama are the only wise men he knows of, neither of which are nearby. I conclude this man is an idiot. He does however, point me in the direction of a library.

It is here I find a book………Yet this book tells me nothing, as I cant read a single word written in it. Sadness. Depression. Anxiety. Have you ever felt any of these emotions? Talk to your doctor today and see if Prozac is right for you.

Just a thought. But seriously.

Just joking. Perhaps a vitamin water? No such luck here, only camels milk. Morgan Freeman??

No, but I was sort of hoping it was.

This trip has been a bit of a let down…I was hoping to find wisdom and truth in South Africa, all I have found is John Candy and camels. And of course Die Antwoord. This concludes my trip and thoughts on this hedgehog desert. Enter the Ninja.

                                                                               -Turtledove Lancaster