Yo!
Yup, I said it just like that. The antenna is working overtime, but only on the bizarre stuff. I guess it is because I have it sat at weird not making sense side, instead of seriously middle east scary stuff. I might go on a rant about that in a couple of days. IT’S GOING TO BE SO CONFUSING SO BE PREPARED.
OH SWEET BABY LAMB OF THE HOLY: FOLLOW ME ON MY MY QUEST TO HELP THIS MAN THAT ACTUALLY CALLED US IN NEED OF ADVICE OR TO TALK. I said I would be gone for a week. Man would I have a little fun, our new credit card fraud was working seamlessly.
He had started writing a story by the time I got there, so it was nice to not have to write a whole story. Here is what he had came up with about confusion. ({[Have you noticed a lot of these stories revolve around girls lately?)}]
Moving on:
Now it’s time to pay attention to John Woodlog’s word crafting in a very confusing time in his life.
Here it is…..
This is mainly about girls, let me warn you:
It gets confusing when in my small neck of the woods, the county seat, a city, possibly 4,000 people live there: that has the only Walmart within, ohhhhh, give or take 50 miles… That the most attractive girls I see in my daily routine are those girls that work there: with their totally wasted lives, more than likely having kids while their own teeth rot. ARE THE PEOPLE SHOPPING OR WORKING THERE!
I went into a Walmart one time, checked out at a line and said, ummm would you like to go get some food sometime. She said, actually I would, but my boyfriend wouldn’t like it too much. I said, that’s a pretty clever way to put me down. I’m not even hurt, but, slightly embarrassed by the homeless man that smells like skank piss and is even giving me a dirty look about it, however.
The days seem like years, trees fall from the sky and cats and dogs living together!
Yup, it’s this serious.
(The confused man continued, he was writing, while talking and I was writing frantically as the bald headed short stocky dude with skinny legs ranted and raved about girls. I did my best!)
Yeah, I’m still talking, what does it matter. I can’t believe that they have a people of Walmart website and that’s where I find the best looking females. Confusing. One girl, who was probably four or so years behind me in years: works in the produce/salads/organic. The scoffing in any other Walmart would have been tremendous for not going to WHOLE FOODS!
I digress. *Les Sigh*
Back to the girl in produce. Wow. Wow! Without a doubt in the world the hottest girl I have seen in months, tucked away in grassland! Oh, lord, I just circle my cart around, pick up baby spinach, put it back, keep looking at her, grab organic romaine, walk five feet, put it down, pick up an apple, smell it, set it down, walk eight feet all the while hoping she would give me eye contact, but she doesn’t. So I continue to watch her from behind, sweet mother of Moses, this not an easy task.
It’s daunting. It’s confusing. it’s testing my manhood it’s testing my testes, oh sweet Lord of Gametes why, is that girl in grassland?!
In a few weeks I may work up the courage to say, “Lettuce huh? That’s like grass, for humans, pretty good stuff.” She will look at me and glance, immediately spacing herself away from me. I will walk away ashamed, but proud dammit all!
He then poured milk into his coffee maker, put cinnamon in it, dropped three whole eggs and filled the rest with the coffee grounds and water.
He swirled around and said “holy fuck, I’m confused!”
————————
Whew. Dagger. That was a tough one.