Black Plague

Nice to see you again folks.  It’s been an outstanding and investigative summer.  I apologize for being away for so long, but when you’re in the thick of researching it’s hard to pull away.  This summer’s expedites has led to some amazing and exquisitely dangerous discoveries.  Please take caution from this point forward and know that this is information that the government and the “others” do not want you to know.

One morning after a heavy night of drinking with Mrs. Blurpin, I awoke and realized that I had a huge desire for some coffee to deprive me of this ear splitting headache which was the result of three beers, four spiked corn pops (I still have a huge stock in the bunker), and six and a half merryanne shots (a combination of miracle whip, egg yolk, and rum).  After downing three cups of the black sludge, I soon realized that this really was not helping me at all, but I still maintained a huge desire to consume more along with an almost irresistible urge to watch CNN or Fox News.  This folks, is when it hit me.

The entire world is addicted to coffee.  Why is that you may ask?  The obvious answer is that coffee is an alien produced drug created to control or destroy the populace of Earth.  Let’s briefly look at the history of coffee for some clues.

The earliest accounts of coffee drinking do not appear in the historical record until the 15th century CE in Yemen.  From there it spread to the Middle East by the 16th century and to Europe and the Americas shortly thereafter.  The geography of Yemen is primarily desert, highlands, and mountainous.  For thousands of years the early people of Yemen were great traders because of its strategic location on the Arabian Peninsula.  Yemen acted as a crossroad between eastern and western civilizations connecting a vast amount of trade and cultural influences.  One notable kingdom of Yemen was the Sabaeans who came to power as early as the 11th century BCE.  However, how is it that these great commercial caravan tribes of Yemen never utilized coffee as an export or discovered its addictive or stimulating effects until the 1500’s CE?  This is a civilization in which trade was heavily depended upon for a way of life.  They utilized the land in every aspect by cultivating and exporting spices such as frankincense and myrrh, in which they gained their primary wealth, and other goods such as fish, hides, precious metals and fruits which were also heavily traded.  However, no one thought to try a coffee bean or to grind it up and put it in to some sort of feed for animals or even use it as some type of aroma when heated?  This doesn’t seem to make sense.  The answer is, that coffee did not exist before the 15th century CE and that it was implanted by aliens.

In 1561 CE, there was a mass UFO sighting in Nuremberg, Germany.  Aliens flew over the city in a large black triangular ship according to many witnesses.  The ship then landed outside the city and, according to many accounts, released hundreds of cylinder and sphere like objects that sped sporadically in many directions in the sky.  These can be interpreted as drone ships, although, there is no way to interpret all of their intentions, but one location that they did visit was Yemen to introduce coffee to the great trading people of the world.  Why didn’t they plant coffee in Germany or England or the Americas you ask?  It is because, Yemen, with its deep rooted history of trade, served as a road between cultures and civilizations.  It was the perfect location for them to plant coffee to ensure that this alien drug would spread across the world in a short amount of time which is exactly what happened with stunning perfection.


In modern times, coffee is heavily consumed in the US and almost every country in the world.  There is no doubt that this drug is being used to either control the populace to conform to certain ways of life or a controlled mindset.  There is also the possibility that aliens may introduce, at any time, a different strain of coffee or a toxin that reacts to coffee in your system to wipe out the populace of Earth.

After my realization, I immediately attempted to make myself hurl by forcing my finger down my throat, but to no effect.  My second attempt involved putting a plunger to my face and trying to pump the substance out through suction.  This also did not work.  In my third attempt, I envisioned what it would be like if your grandmother, mother, and sister all had a threesome together and I proceeded to vomit all over the kitchen for four hours.

Additionally, the day after my revelation I went to Starbucks to get only a muffin, not any brainwashing fluid.  Upon arrival, all of the workers immediately started to stare at me which was odd.  I ordered my muffin and the lady said to me “have a good day sir.”  Now I had been going to this place for 10 years and not once had I been referred to as sir.  Therefore, I knew that the muffin had been poisoned and the brainwashed coffee lords were on to me.

Be safe out there and stay shockuated folks!

Humphrey L. Huckleberry

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Nintendo Announces Even Smaller NES Classic

That’s right. Nintendo is re-releasing an even smaller version of the classic ’80s Nintendo Entertainment System (NES).

Yesterday, the Japanese electronics manufacturer announced the return of the beloved console even smaller than first imagined.

Nintendo NES Classic Nano

In the press release, Nintendo said that gamers could purchase the micro-console in time for Christmas.

This is it! The NES Classic Nano, launching this December at a MSRP of $59.99.  It’s true: The NES is back and smaller than ever! This new system is nearly identical to the original and plugs directly into your high definition TV and comes complete with 30 classic games.

Inside the box, you’ll find an HDMI cable, power adapter, and one NES Classic Nano controller which Nintendo describes as “similar to the original, only much smaller.” No need to blow into dusty cartriges, though. The NES Classic Nano is much too small for a cartridge slot.

Nostalgia-fueled gamers can purchase an additional controller at the suggested retail cost of $9.99.


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Apples Slices at McDonald’s? Wtf?

This not just in.

As technology advances, the majority of America continues to get less intelligent, more irresponsible, and increasingly antisocial.  The cause you ask?  Most likely it is the government sending secret hypnotic messages through Netflix and Kanye West to dumb down the populace in order to control them for future…who knows.   As with any good conspiracy, evidence is currently lacking, but some old person smoking knows everything.  One thing we do know for sure, is that K. West is the greatest government agent of all time as he is able to influence and controls millions of Americans through his music and by simply just talking.

Let’s look at a couple of things that are quite annoying.  People and the media keep writing articles and spewing rhetoric that McDonalds and Coke are making them obese and are essentially evil.  Then we hear about people or organizations actually suing these companies because their products make people or themselves obese.  I’m pretty sure they didn’t force feed you those burgers and soda.  I’m not sure how a person can say that they thought that fast food or soda was a great nutritional idea.  I think by now it is common knowledge that soda and fast food are terrible nutritional options.  The truth of the matter is that these type of people or organizations truly need some mental help or, more likely, are just trying to line their pockets.  Everyone knows that McDonalds and Coke are bad for you so stop whining and complaining that they are making you fat.  You may just want to try to not eat there all the time and see what happens.  As for the organizations that continue to target McDonalds, that includes you Yahoo!, how about going after someone else once in a while?  McD’s has changed far more than any other fast food organization such as switching their suppliers, having healthier options(apple slices, wtf?), and putting calorie amounts on their menu (the only fast food place I can think of that does that).  How about you go after other organizations and stop promoting places like Chipotle?  Sure Chipotle is “fresh” ingredients, even though most items are prepped offsite just like many other fast food places, but eating a 2000 calorie burrito and 1000 calorie soda is pretty much the same as getting a meal at McD’s.  Well today I ate a whole large pizza, but it wasn’t McDonalds so I should be alright!  The truth is, America loves McDonalds and they love to hate it, but people will continue to eat there and there is nothing wrong with that as long as it’s in moderation.  People should be able to give their kid a Coke or happy meal.  I mean what the hell is wrong with a happy meal every couple of weeks!?  I read an article the other day about how McDonalds is terrible because happy meals promote obesity to kids.  How about parents don’t let their child eat junk and take them to fast food places every day?  Why is it McDonalds fault that parents are irresponsible?  All McDonalds is doing is selling burgers that people keep buying.  How about people stop pointing the finger at someone else and take some much needed responsibility.

Another prime example is the fact that people like the Kardashians are millionaires and millions of Americans continue to watch them on The television, follow them on “social media,” and buy whatever it is that they sell.  I’m not sure how this is possible other than brainwashing by Agent West.

Social media.  Oh boy here we go.  I’m not sure what the great appeal of social media is.  I mean you get on The Facebook and read about people who you could go visit or call, share all these amazing sayings and post pictures of yourself doing something instead of actually interacting with people live.  Twitter is even more confusing.  Why does anyone need to know what you are doing and what you just did all of the time?  It seems that people talk through devices more than to an actual person nowadays.  Then when people are actual together they hide in their phones and miss out on the long awkward silences that come with visiting an old relative’s house, one you see every six years, during your youth and continuing well forever.

So remember to avoid these influences that are corrupting America, drink all the Coke and eat all the McDonalds you want to avoid future government control!

Stay Shockuated Folks.

Humphrey L. Huckleberry

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Beat Your New Year’s Resolution

We’ve all been there.  It’s 12:01AM of the next annual cycle and you’re already sweating bullets because you made all of these grand resolutions and you have no idea how to overcome the odds.  History says that you will fail within the first two weeks and sure enough, you may have already quit.  Not this year though (even though you say that every year).  Destiny is on your side.  Follow these tips and guidelines to kick your New Year’s Resolution in the rear end and tell that guy who is always *&^$^#ing about other people in the gym, “Hey buttercup, you can’t stop destiny so gimme those dumbbells!!”

  1. Stop making New Year’s Resolutions

With no expectations there is no way to fail.

  1. For lose weight resolutions:

This is probably the most popular resolution since apparently everyone in America is fat or according to some radio commercials only bloated which causes you to be fat.  Everyone wants to lose weight and that’s fine.  The key is to gain a bunch of weight before the New Year.  You have plenty of time to pack on the pounds during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all the Holiday parties in between.  You should be eating things such as Whoppers, meatball Hotpockets, and Jimmy Dean Pancake/Sausage Sticks (these are real) and  that will, not only, add on the pounds, but also make you feel like you deserve a medal because you were able to keep em down.  When the New Year “rolls” around and you finally start to move again, some of the weight will just come right off.   Don’t be intimated by those muscle heads at the gym too.  You know who I am talking about.  The ones that get all huffy because the gym fills up after the New Year and they can’t get to their special dumbbell or weight machine and then they act like the weight or machine is having some type of love affair.  Just tell that diva to step off or you will Mace him.  Nobody is going to believe that you could hurt some muscle bound freak so take the initiative and say you were defending your life or that they felt your pecks.

  1. For quit smoking or drinking resolutions:

Take on other addictive substances such as cocaine or heroin.  The goal here is replace one addictive habit with something more addictive.  That’s how you beat a habit!  Three steps backward and one forward.

  1. For financial resolutions:

Need to save more?  Have a spending problem?  Here is the solution to tackle that resolution.  Start investing in hard drugs.  There is a lot of money in major drugs and it’s a heck of a lot more reliable than the stock market because the fact of the matter is that people like to get high and they will keep on buying drugs.  Sure you might wind up dead or become some Cartel’s $%*#%, but life is about the thrills.  Additionally, this will help your quit smoking and drinking resolution.  Another option would be to invest in steroids to help you lose those pounds and put on some muscle so you can have a hissy fit contest with that muscle bound freak at the gym.  You could also give your money to trolls because people tend to avoid them and they hoard valuables under bridges.

  1. For get a new job resolutions:

There are jobs everywhere.  It’s just a matter of finding something you like and getting someone to pay you.  However, take some time off and go do some work as one of those guys that has to clean up road apples all day, a third world sweatshop worker, a Kardashian PR assistant, an understaffed daycare assistant, a slaughterhouse worker, any type of sewage treatment job, or a fluffer (although this may be pleasing for some women).  You will now enjoy your current job.

  1. For make new friends resolutions:

Accept the fact that most people don’t like you and then go from there.

  1. For have a baby resolutions:

If you need a resolution to have a baby, you probably shouldn’t be having children.  Seriously, don’t do it.

  1. For get more rest resolutions:

I hear you; we all need more sleep.  If you find yourself awake during the deep depths of the night it’s probably because of stress!  Less stress = more sleep.  So, in order to reduce stress you need to start eliminating the stressful items from your life.  First, if you have any, get rid of your kids.  How can anyone get any sleep when you have five children running around screaming their heads off?  Just drop them off at the local shelter or with an exceedingly distant relative.  Second, get rid of your spouse.  Nag Nag Nag = not sleeping.  Other ways to reduce stress include quitting your job, become homeless (because they seem to be sleeping all day), stopping any exercise (the more lethargic you are, the better), or excessive masturbation.  You could always attempt to read the original Frankenstein and you will be out by page six (I’m sure it was amazing for its time, but it is god awful for today’s standards and I still don’t understand how some people sympathize with the Monster who murders children).  Additionally, you could binge drink some soda or energy drinks at around 6pm and you should crash within an hour or two.  However, you will feel terrible when you wake up.

And there you go.  Follow these guidelines and you’re sure to beat the statistics and keep that resolution going strong!

Stay Shockuated Folks.

Humphrey L. Huckleberry

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Tiny Changes That May Make Life Better. Or I’m Living in Cloud Cuckoo Land

Our people’s indifference now make the difference.


We live in a world so obsessed with making it, pushing people out of their way to try to succeed. In a trance throughout the day finding out they are practically indifferent to what anyone is doing at every given second transforms you into an individual walking through the street next to a man making sweet love to their phone gravely unimportant. Don’t worry. I’m not saying that it is difficult to fall into this routine. It’s REALLY easy: I think at times that I am guilty of performing the same thing. No, I’m far from perfection. I end up forgetting people all the time. I forgot the fact that the people I’m blowing off are real people too. Not just someone with you’re passing trying not to make a social interaction.

This goes for people not only in need but, others in general. People that could desperately use any form of social interaction to improve their day. We walk the streets of our cities talking to people on our phones, not acknowledging the person that is walking next to you. Perhaps, waiting to make eye contact and ask you how are you doing. Instead, you’re wrapped up in talking gossip and nonsense like the next level of Angry Birds or something idiotic instead of face- to- face interaction. But, it seems like we on this planet don’t care too much about… much.

I don’t mean to sound like a hippie claiming how the power of love can change the world. How, if we love each other all the evil in the world, like all those fat cat corporations destined to keep the profits would just disappear in a sea of sadness. However, I will be a modern day hippie. I will say that there are things that all of us can do especially on a consistent basis that can change the attitude of those of around you. Now let my hippie fly through these next lines. Do you realize the power of saying “hello” with a smile? Or just asking someone how they are doing today? These things make not only the person that displaying these attitudes, but the person receiving them feel a connection with another creature even if they have no clue on Earth who they could be. Or if they ever in their life see that person again.

Sadly, these are things we used to do on a common basis. But, now because of technology, people constantly being transfixed to their portable computer, wondering what everyone is up to on their social media: these basic human interactions have become almost off putting and stressful. Nearly causing crippling social anxiety. “Why is this person saying hello to me? This is certainly odd.” Now, if you sent a text to the person you’re passing in the street just saying, “Oh hello, it’s me I’m about to pass you on the street.” That would be met with uproarious laughter and possibly casual sex?

Personally, I love technology. That doesn’t mean when I do go out to see people I bury my head my in palm researching what my other friends that aren’t here are up to. This is costing us the loss of our social skills both slowly and quickly and at the same time.

There are many issues that face America and many are grave ones. These issues cannot be solved in one giant monumental sweep. Follow with me. Think about fixing or re-arranging problems. These problems can be from cleaning a house to fixing a car. There is no possibility of coming in and blinking your eyes or twinkling your nose. It must be started piece by piece, increment by increment. I think that’s what we get in trouble with when we begin to search complete overhauls instead of starting top to bottom in the problems that are facing us. With a house, you wouldn’t destroy the foundation because there is something wrong with the roof.

For an example police brutality has become out of control. In my opinion, the police force is losing the support of the nation. The general population of the nation think they could be brutalized, attacked or taken to jail for any superlative reason. However, to begin fixing this you cannot start in a monstrous one move solution. It will take years of re-writing the attitude and the culture of the bad officers. There are great officers as well, but right now most Americans believe that if they see a cop, they are coming to ruin their day or more. Perhaps pull them out of their car and talk to them like they are in first grade and even pepper spray them into oblivion, because that seems reasonable. The first step is to have a nationalized training course for the officers, including poor or superb police officers. I think these trainings should focus on how all of these perpetrators are still human: have mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters just as the police officer does. Really impart into them the meaning of a human being and the importance of an individual when they commit a crime. Especially if they are not violent. What is the point of just belittling and harassing a suspect?  Also, they need to realize that they are innocent until proven guilty.

There are a lot of other issues facing the country, but it doesn’t change the fact that people just seem oblivious to each. Attached to their phones and their butt phones, giving signals and vibrations all over their brain and sphincter.

This idea of the lack of treating people as people in regards with respect goes into nearly every problem facing this country. The proposition of loving each other just a tiny bit would not solve everything, but God it really would be a step in the right direction. Problems just do not come in national ordeals or crises. It happens literally all around us. In workplaces, it happens in schools, it happens in friendships these days.

There is absolutely little chance that you will love or even love every person you come in direct contact with. By thinking that from what I wrote is completely off base. The point attempted to be made is with effort on a variety of topics, but one of them is to try to treat other people with the respect of family members: grandparents, parents, siblings. And to also remember that these people you’re blowing off, avoiding and treating with disdain all have problems too. Not precisely your problems, but problems that may cause a wakeful night, may cause tears, hopelessness and other anxiety. Remember that.

Compassion, empathy, love, forgiveness and an attitude to accept an individual that you do not know as someone that is a person like you. Don’t treat people you are unfamiliar with with an attitude of disdain. Keep in mind this person is like you and just because you may think they are “some loser” so much that you have to cross the street because “Holy God” THEY LOOK WEIRD.

Acceptance, tolerance and a willingness to give a person a shot to someone that isn’t you or in your silly (CIRCLE.)

Not all problems will be solved like this. However, treating people with more respect and love than we do now will make a giant stride in the issues with we face. Sticking our faces into the phones we carry does nothing to benefit people. Even more so the people that you are sitting around a table with. If you want to play on the internet or use insanely pointless apps, tell your friends you’re staying home for the night. However, if you’re going out with your friends, keep your phone in your pocket and talk to the person across from you. Talk to the person on the street.

Be kind.

Because listen:

The rest of us will die like sunshine into the night.

-Stay Tuned-

Justin Marshall

James Dust

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Local Woman Reading The Newest Cosmopolitan’s Article “Relationships: How To Make Your Man’s Life A Living Hell and Break Him For Good.”


Detroit, MI-

Lindsay Stone, 35,  has been buying Cosmopolitans since she was 16 years old in an effort to have the magazine impart incredible amounts of knowledge onto herself.

For example: 400 hour orgasms, how to make him beg for more, does he really like Ritz crackers shoved in his ears as part of foreplay and many more.

However, this one might be the most important one so far. Lindsay has really wanted her boyfriend, Rodd McGurstien, 36, of seven years to propose to her, but according to her she’s been getting all the favorite, most played out and over used excuses that anyone has ever heard. Examples are: I can’t take the time off of work, This is working so well why do we need to get married? And one of the most commonly played out answers: I don’t know if I really want to marry you, sweets.

But now Cosmo may once again shine its divine light directly from the pages of its magazine into the unprepared to be blinded by Godly light of Lindsay’s eyes.  In this new article it goes into depth of just straight up making your man miserable in an attempt for a one last effort for him to accept the inevitable- that you two are going to be together forever. Now, this is not for the weak of heart or spirit for what it calls is an all out assault on Rodd. Just belittlement and making him feel worthless until he realizes that he really doesn’t have another shot in the world with any women for the rest of his life and he needs to decide now. Now, sadly, this soul crushing doesn’t always turn out for the best as there is a 46.74% chance that he will either leave or the girl attempting this will be brutally murdered with dish soap and a mop. I know, it’s specific- don’t ask me why. That’s just what’s been scientifically empirically proven.


-Stay Tuned-


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The Unbearable Sadness Of Barely Lingering Friendships

I had this story kicking around the website for a long time sitting as a draft. I have had it kicking around the brain for even longer. So here.

Take it

I’m forced to let out a pained sigh as I begin to make contact with the appropriate keys to form these lines.

Friendship: one of the greatest creations ever to grace the planet Earth. A bond so strong that the ones lucky enough to feel the tug can believe and feel they belong to more than one family.

Friendships! Having groups of friends! Man, it used to be a lot of fun. They were the people you wanted to be around, the ones that made you laugh until you cried and your stomach hurt. The ones that while laughing and crying and suffering from abdominal pain random adults were yelling at you to “shut up because it’s three in the damn morning! And some of us have to work in the morning!”

As you age some people find it harder and harder to maintain friendships. With a combination of children eating time like Ms. Pacman or a waning of interests or perhaps it becomes harder and harder to block out a section of one day every couple months to eat a couple mouthwatering pizzas.

You’re absolutely right. That last one does confuse me. It’s so damn hard. How it is so difficult to manage three to four hours to hangout with your friends while eating great food and laughing with people that got you through some of your most difficult parts of life?

To the people of the world that are able to maintain friendships, I commend you. Because I’m not doing to well keeping friendships, the friendships that my friends and I all promised that we would be like brothers until we died. Like how we wanted to buy a section of land put little houses next to each other to spend time with each other: playing basketball, playing music, listening to music, video games and goofing around.

Currently I don’t even have the majority of my close group’s phone numbers in my phone even though for ten days in a row I posted on facebook if you had my number send me a text with your name so I could add you. I received some of my old friends’ brothers and so on somehow made it into my phone. Congratulations to you.

I’ve spent countless hours investing in my friends.

Learning about them.

Finding what jokes work for them.

Discovering how to pick up their spirits on a day that was out to get them.

Rooting for them.

Feeling their pain.

Getting into teams because you love each other no matter how talented or completely rubbish you are at the game you’re about to play. Just because one of your buddies hasn’t played euchre doesn’t mean you can’t fake it and pull out an upset!

Sharing in their unbridled anger when your masterstroke regarding  cards goes completely astray. Anger about video games, about sports, about a computer freezing when your term paper is three-fourth complete and you should have saved but didn’t.

Don’t forget the joy of your masterstroke regarding cards winning in a full on frenzy of embarrassment for the other team, the joy about pulling up the upset in sports, the joy of beating a video game with your friends and the joy when the computer freezes, but one of your friends that are amazing with computers remembered to back up the file.

Convincing them that it wasn’t their fault that the relationship had to end. And hell you’re better off without them! Look at that one over there! They are even better looking!

Taking their side even when you know they are completely wrong.

And so many other reason why friendship is one of if not the greatest thing in the world. Yes family is great, but family is better when you’re friends with family. Marriage is wonderful, but how cliche is it to say “GETTING MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND TODAY, BEST DAY EVER.” It’s cliche for a reason. People want to spend the rest of their life with a best friend.

That’s why it is so heavy, unbearably depressing when a friendship that was meant to last forever has started to form an event horizon. To suck all the light out of the friendship and everything around it…. END. And end badly. No friendship that was glorious goes out with a whimper. One of the friends holds on to that friendship with everything they possibly can come up with. Every time the grasp weakens another memory springs forward to the front of their consciousness and harder they grasp.

Sadly this is a losing effort because….. You can’t make someone be your friend. No matter what you try.

If you can maintain your friends- do it, cherish it. DO NOT, for a second, ever take it for granted.

Dishing the sadness at an unbearable level,

This Guy

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Presidential Dynasties: The Kennedy’s and The Clinton’s Part 2

The Kennedy’s and the Clinton’s are a substance yet to be created that is better than Teflon.

The things they are do are forgotten, covered up or just like an raw egg being slid off a non-stick pan into the garbage to never be spoken of again.

This article will be on the Kennedy’s.

The reign of JFK lasted thirty fives months. Far less time than it takes an 18 year old girl to graduate from college. Anyway he did somethings. You’ve heard about how wonderful he and the family is so let’s look into the not so terrific things that he accomplished in roughly 12775 days. Which is honestly how long I want a vacation for. IN A ROW.

Anyway.  Here we go.

Good ole Jack one America’s of the favorite presidents ever-

  1. Let’s start with the Bay of Pigs. Yes, it was a CIA designed operation constructed during the Eisenhower years, but good Jack pushed it forward into fruition.  The roughly 1300 CIA trained troops were way over matched. They were hoping on the uprising being sown in the streets when they arrived. The men also relied on air support and naval support. Which Kennedy decided were bad ideas, cancelling them at nearly the last minute. He provided less than 40 minutes of air support and almost no Naval Ships. Wonder why it turned into such a disaster and can be used as a interchangeably with a failed military exercise.

2. In the Vienna Summit Nikita Khrushchev totally thrashed Kennedy in the meeting leaving Khrushchev with the feeling that the younger, inexperienced Kennedy is someone he could push around. Which he proved soon

3. That lead to the Cuban Missile Crisis….. The Russians weren’t too happy with the locations of some nuclear bombs that were within reach of their country. So Khruschchev decided to ship some bombs to Cubu. Bringing us within a whiff of nuclear apocalypse. Yes, Kennedy handled this well, but if you look into it more it was Bobby Kennedy’s ideas and words that prevented a nuclear winter.

4. Vietnam- Kennedy was responsible for escalating the war to an insane number of men and machine in the country. In 1962. U.S. men on the ground in the field rose from 746 in January to over 3,400 by June. In 1963 there were 16300 and by 1964 the total amount of soldiers were 23,300. Yet, no one mentions Kennedy’s escalation. Yes, Lyndon Johnson increased the number to an astronomical 184300 and by 1968 536100. However, this is never mentioned that there were only advisors when Kennedy took over and he pumped men and machinery into the country that a war would rage for about 14 years. Whoops no biggie, it’s Kennedy.

5. Kennedy was a complete manwhore. He had several mistresses that were known by the FBI and covered up by those FBI agents. If this would have happened in present time we would have found out exactly how many women he cheated on his already gorgeous wife with. One of the women he had an affair with was Inga Arvad, who had accompanied Hitler to the 1936 Olympic Games. Which is a little strange.

6. Oh, his brother, Teddy drove his car into a river and killed his girlfriend and didn’t do shit about it. He didn’t get in any trouble and went on to serve in the Senate until he died. I know that’s not JFK’s fault. but more proof of a magical more magical slippery surface than Teflon.

-Stay Tuned-


James Dust


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Presidential Dynasties: The Kennedy’s and The Clinton’s

The Kennedy’s and the Clinton’s are a substance yet to be created that is better than Teflon.

Pretty terrible things the Clinton’s did and are never talked about.


1. Got away with murders. Yeah, so do serial killers I guess.

2. Got impeached. No big deal I guess.

3. Thought Sudan was creating WMD’s instead bombed the hell out of buildings that turned out to be pharmaceutical a factory. Turned out to be one of only three pharmaceutical factories in the whole of Sudan.

4. Rwanda- The worst genocide in the history of mankind. In 100 days nearly a million people were murdered with machetes and garden tools. People were forced by threat of death to murder neighbors and friends…. HE CLAIMED HE KNEW NOTHING….. In 2004, classified documents emerged proving that the CIA had briefed Clinton, Gore, and 100 top officials extensively that a genocide was underway within 17 days of the first killings.

5. He basically let Bin Laden get away after blowing up two different United States buildings.

1.Benghazi scandal suddenly one one talks about. That Clinton failed to offer an explanation for why the diplomatic post wasn’t well defended. And she hasn’t fully explained what she did the night of the attack.

2.”Cleaning her hard drive with a cloth”

3. She’s just a massive liar and delusional at times…. When It Was First Alleged That Her Husband Bill Was Having An Affair With Monica Lewinsky, Hillary Clinton Referred To It As A “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy”


5. Secretary of State Hillary’s State Department failed to label Boko Haram a terrorist group. You know the group that capture’s entire groups of chidlren’s schools.


Man that new and improved Teflon is good shit.


  • Stay Tuned
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Nine out of Ten Doctors Recommend Shredded Wheat

Doctors are enamored with Shredded Wheat. The brick of tasteless, uh, wheat, I guess. Nine out of ten doctors say, eat that up, eat it! You’ll poop and stuff! 9 out of 10 doctors with more than fifteen years experience would recommend Post Shredded Wheat as part of a healthy diet to help reduce the risk of heart disease and maintain a healthy heart. Post Shredded Wheat contains zero sodium, saturated fat or cholesterol, but plenty of whole grains and fiber, making it a favorite in the medical community.

Now, I would like you to guess what doctor does not recommend Shredded Wheat? Yeah that’s right, this Doctor.

If you’re into eating fiber. Eat some cardboard. That has more fiber and they are less smug about the doctor approval thing.

If you’re eating cereal eat something that tastes good, that’s my advice.


 Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay is one of the foremost intellectual leaders on everything.

-James Dust

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