The Shockuation Room

At approximately 7:10 P.M. on April 24th, 2011 Vinny of Jersey Shore let us in on quite possibly the biggest news story of the year! The 23 year old star of the Jersey boardwalk shocked his 1,096,404 Twitter followers by telling a very large secret. In his shocking tweet he revealed this about himself, “I love sports trash talk, but at the end of the day its just a game. Athletes don’t pay my rent. I still love you all #happyeaster.”

At the site of this my jaw dropped to the floor. There was so much news in this singular tweet that some gland released a potent chemical hallucinogen in my brain and I was instantly floating in a sea of news. I was high in the air, but all around me were computers, televisions, laptops, radios, newspapers, magazines, pamphlets and ancient scrolls all full of news. There were men and women floating behind podiums blasting their wonderful news into microphones! I couldn’t read or listen fast enough to absorb all the news. I was turning in every direction and I, to my surprise had multiple recording devices. I still couldn’t keep up. After what seemed like hours, I awoke to find myself sprawled in the middle of the kitchen floor surrounded by glass after glass filled with chocolate milk.

After closer inspection I was not laying on the floor, but instead a makeshift bed made from a vast quantity of mass media (NEWS!). I couldn’t figure it out, but knew that something important had just happened and I struggled to remember what could have caused this strange series of events. After picking up the thirty nine glasses full of chocolate milk, I had a revelation. It was something that someone said on Twitter. I went back to my computer to research what it could have said. I came across the statement so full of news it caused me to go into a psychotic episode, “I love sports trash talk, but at the end of the day its just a game. Athletes don’t pay my rent. I still love you all #happyeaster..”

In this one tweet, Vinny let us know that he loves sports trash talk, but he didn’t mean it personally, but, even more shocking was the second part of this tweet. He let us in on his private life, that someone besides athletes pay his rent! Who could it be? A woman? A man? Donald Trump? Frank Stallone? Aliens? MTV? This was unclear and I knew there had to be some great news somewhere. Supposedly Vinny gets roughly $30,000 an episode. The way the cast spends money *my calculation is that Vinny is roughly $381,115 dollars in the hole*. Thus, coming back to the original question, who pays his rent!? He didn’t mention that to his loyal fan base. The last part of his tweet I found to be rather charming, not only spreading love to the world, but also wishing everyone a happy Easter. Joy.

All information received was from a reliable New Jersean named Giovanni Rossi, pictured below during one of the brief periods when fist pumping is not occurring.

If you have any information on who possibly pays his rent, please let me know as soon as possible.

Remember, you’re in the Shockuation Room!

Follow Vinny

*Coyote Rush only passed Math 058 in college and does not claim to be accurate.

Scouring the internet I came across a small town in Wyoming known to the locals as Greybull. At first glimpse I found this town to be charming and bursting at the seams with breaking news, but after further inspection I came across a tragedy. Looking for more on this special town I went to the website of the local newspaper The Greybull Standard. I was so excited as I looked at the paper, there was so much news it made my heart race! However, after my initial wave of ecstasy I looked closer and that is where I found one of the most shocking and unbelievable display of apathy for their crucial job responsibilities. The website had not been updated since June 11th, 2009!

In their carelessness they overlooked what chaos this would cause not only the town, but the state of Wyoming. As the world moves closer and closer to paperless, the citizens of Greybull are being left behind. How are they supposed to get their news? More importantly how am I supposed to get their news to the world? This is not only perplexing, but honestly sends me into a state of dread. Now, I know there is news happening in what I first thought could be the next great city of the world, however, where is it?

Is it possible that aliens visited this town? Through the statement of a concerned individual that lives in the neighboring city known as Basin I was relayed this information. He was visiting an old news making friend in the city on the night of the possible alien contact. This is what I gleaned from his heart wrenching eyewitness account. These hypothetical aliens came on June 17th, 2009 at around 3:31 A.M. The witness who asked to remain anonymous told me of a glowing orb in the middle of the darkness that hovered in sky slowly descending on the quiet town. It eventually came down in a vacant part of the city. Sadly, this is where his story gets foggy. He remembers some strange force compelling him to walk toward the Greybull City Hall. When he arrived at City Hall, the whole town had gathered there. He said that there was a group of what looked like well dressed men that he didn’t recognize. The men asked for all the citizens that worked at the local paper to come inside. Half of the group went inside with the Greybull Standard employees. The other half of the well dressed men started performing feats of strength as well as magic acts. Speculation is that the employees of the Standard were forced to undergo a brain wipe. However, this was not an all encompassing erase. It only focused on one part of their brain, their ability to remember how to update their paper on the website.

I know you’re as shocked as I am.

The witness wanted to remain nameless, but not faceless. He was filled with glee at the prospect of having his picture taken. This was news to me, and made my heart race.

Stay Tuned.

To our loyal followers: You’re in the Shockuation Room- Where news and information is being provided to you all the time. Standing by: The Shockuation Room is monitoring all possible avenues of information breaking across the U.S. and the world. Happening now… We are Coyote Rush and Fox Storm and now you’re in the Shockuation Room.

So, I have a real estate closing Friday.

I am in A desperation need for $.

I just received a call for a Substitute teaching job, for………….. no other Friday.

Luck?

YEPP….fadsf.asd.f
a

I will just laugh

I have been cracking myself up even more than normal lately. I don’t really know why. I see someone walk by me and they are perfectly normal and probably have more money than me, and I just crack up.

Am I going insane?

This time I say no.

Cracking yourself up is a good thing in my book. Unless you do it blatantly, obnoxiously, stupid (and have an annoying laugh).

Basically, just do what you feel unless it’s insanely rude to someone.

And if it is, just think about doing it and laugh.

Yours,

Justin A. Marshall

How about what you’re doing right now? It’s weird isn’t it? I don’t really understand anything. Things happen. Are they meant to? Probably… All those weirdos and people and things that seem useless are as important as you. Weird to think like that, huh?

I am going to fly a thing that is a field of my mind. It will flow like the glow of wheat as the sun rises on the dawn of a new day. This blog would be updated everyday if google would have followed through with their promise of pay. However, invalid click disenfranchised my desire to write random randomness that came from my mind. I hit some button and now it’s zoomed in. That reminds me of Mazda, zoom zoom zoom.

Bye,

Justin A. Marshall

So,

Last week I believe it was….

It was about 10:30 at night, of course I was hanging out by myself and my grandpa and grandma were asleep. Suddenly, I heard Patches freaking out and a knock at my door. My grandpa said…. “Justin, there is a GAL to see you.”

I said…. “A GAL?”

So I go out there, into the pitch black because no one turned on the lights.

I can’t even make out this lady’s face and she starts begging.

“Justin.. You have to get me into Rite Aid.”

J- “What?!”

Lady- “I forgot a picture and am going to get killed if I don’t get it for the funeral tomorrow!”

J- We open at 8 am.

Lady- Moans and makes weird noises.

J- (freaked out)

Lady- I have to get in there.

Justin- There is seriously nothing I can do. I can’t get you or anyone in to Rite Aid, I have no keys.

Lady- Moans and makes weird noises

She starts freaking out more asking if I know anyone else that works there’s number. I don’t. So I get a phonebook and it’s not in there. She then starts quizzing me about cars, houses and so on.

It’s weird.

Then the next day I found out she stopped by someone else that works there house at 11 pm.

WOWZERS

It’s been a long time guys. Sorry….

Lots of things have happened.

I have successfully completed my two months of not drinking.

I am still working at Rite Aid.

I listed my first piece of property.

I am very close to selling my first home.

I also have many funny pictures to show you…

ENJOY!

Hey over here:

Now, I know that CD sleeps a lot. That’s just how it goes. However, there is a detail that most people don’t know, so I’m sorta telling you a secret, that secret is CD is very clever. He gets all his cleverness from sleeping and hiring other people to do his work for him. He may or may not have a split personality that is competing to see who can come up with better ideas.

STOP TALKING! PAY ATTENTION!

Back to the inner workings that go on at CD’s apartment. CD had a lavish bed, it was fourteen feet wide by eighteen feet in length. It was extended eight and a half feet off the ground. He has a series of ladders and lifts to get to the top. The mattress was three feet thick. It was one of the most comfortable beds I’d seen in my time. How long I or CD have been around is not known. Next to his bed he had a chimpanzee that had a laptop attached to his stomach. Don’t worry, it caused the chimpanzee no harm. This was an evolutionary trait that Chimpanzees had gained over time, once again, I don’t know how long it took because of the clock situation. A great deal of the time that CD was sleeping wasn’t truly spent sleeping. This is why the next morning he was always groggy and wanted more sleep. The chimpanzee who has a name, that name being Jack Jill Patrice, recorded everything that CD uttered. This was very time consuming. Like an all day job. Some of the mutterings that CD muttered were just pointless babble ranging from how grass should be orange and trees should be powder blue. Don’t ask me why he mentioned these things.