Shelbyville, Indiana-
A local man named George A. Luffalone is so cranky.
I went to Shelbyville to see how serious this case of crankiness is.
Let me tell you, it’s pretty serious. And he’s serious and dang he is not fun to be around.
Luffalone, 29, single and cranky as hell has not had a good week. He works two minimum wage jobs and surprisingly hates them both. I asked Luffalone if he has any friends. He said, “Well, kinda, but at the moment no one responds to my texts or phone calls. I also keep posting statuses like ‘FML!’ And ‘why me?! ‘” No one even likes or comments.
He continued, “It’s frustrating, I think it’s a vicious cycle,” he said as snotty as possible while lurching closer to my face. After leering at me, looking dangerous and being a mere four to five inches from my face, for a few seconds, he told me that he also hated my: hair, eyes, clothes, body spray, shoes, car, cell phone, and pen and paper. I apologized and had him give me the names, numbers and addresses of his few friends, that talk to him when he isn’t actually in a funk, he told me to “do whatever you want with them, I don’t even care anymore, just do whatever, come back and talk to me later if you want, but I don’t really care at all. I’m serious. Seriously, just do whatever, I understand if you don’t come back, it’s because I’m CRANKY, whatever the hell that means.”
“Fair enough” I said.
After the conversation with Mr. Luffalone, I checked in on the first friend on the list. The first friend was a man by the name of Darren Kiddmestone. I asked him how long had his friend George been cranky this time. He told me that he is “normally pretty fun to be around, but then out of nowhere he just starts sending people texts about how much he hates his jobs then somehow it turns into him being pissed off at us that we didn’t take him out for drinks or mozzarella sticks. I mean he could at least suggest he wants it, we’re pretty good friends.” He told me that this bout of crankiness has been going on for two and a half weeks consecutively. Not a minute of it has been uncranky.
So being the Dr. of The Shockuation Room I decided to list some factors that cause crankiness and maybe a few ways to break through the crankiness.
Let me try to get a general description of what cranky means. There are subtle levels of cranky so that makes it a little difficult. However, I will continue to try to define cranky!
1. Fussiness
2. Fussiness, along with death stares.
3. Being insufferable and pissy toward every suggestion and situation. Even if the person suggesting something is being rather friendly.
4. Seriously, I’m going to smack a bitch if you don’t shut up.
5. Seriously, I’m going to smack a bitch if you don’t shut up and I’m going to go one step farther and straight up murder anyone that tries to be nice to me.
Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone has these days. Hopefully they don’t actually turn in assault or first degree murder. It is acceptable to be cranky, it happens. However, it becomes very frustrating for the people around you.
Here are some causes for crankiness…
1. Lack of good sleep- People do not do well when they don’t sleep well. Or do not sleep the amount they are used to sleeping. This can cause crankiness and the person doesn’t even realize it.
2. The people you are around can cause crankiness- If you are a working person and your bosses/coworkers are down right bad people or just have bad attitudes this can extremely affect the way you act during work and when you come home. Not only that it might lead to some pretty pissed off text messages.
3. Stress is a giant factor in causing someone to be cranky. Stress can come from a variety of situations, activities, and other reasons.
4. Supposedly there has been a study that genes in women can actually make you susceptible for a cranky disposition. “Genetic variations that deal with the body’s mood management chemistry are linked with anger, aggression and hostility in women,” according to a University of Pittsburgh study. “The results counter some common beliefs that women are to blame for their hostility. And genetic tests for anger could help predict a woman’s likelihood of other anger-related diseases.” Women who had greater tendency toward aggressive and angry behaviors had lower levels of serotonin in their system.
5. Caffeine- Caffeine as much as people feel they need it, it can cause anxiety and eventually crankiness.
So that’s some reasons you could get cranky.
Here are some suggestions to help alleviate the crankiness.
1. Find a rewarding activity or hobby. Like sports, reading, writing, listening to music or some exercise in general. Also, try to focus on these activities instead of reverting your thinking on the ideas that have put you into this mood.
2. Catch up on your sleep! Personally, I am very bad at having a set sleep schedule. Mine is all over, which probably causes me to be cranky without even knowing it. But, if you get a chance to get to bed a little earlier than normal, you should take that opportunity.
3. At work try to find people with more positive moods. Sometimes it is impossible to be around people that are cheery at work. However, if you can’t find more positive people, attempt to not let their mood transfer to your mood.
4. Try doing some of your routine the opposite way. If you are finding yourself doing the same thing over and over and getting more and more upset, this could be a very worthwhile option. Albert Einstein said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
5. Make sure you are eating enough and getting the right balance of food in your diet.
I didn’t go back and talk to Mr. Luffalone, he was way too cranky.
Good luck Shelbyville!
Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay is one of the foremost intellectual leaders on everything.
-James Dust