Washington— On Capitol Hill many congressmen and women have finally realized what every single person in the United States wants. More laws that are intended to improve our health.
Over the past five to ten years many states have passed laws banning cigarette smoke in public buildings. This was met with completely no backlash and was celebrated by many smokers and non-smokers alike.
Jerry Poopindale, 44, a smoker for the past 30 years actually took a week off of work just to get into a bar and see what it was like now there was no cigarette smoke.
“Yeah, I was stoked! I was slightly disappointed about the fact that my freedoms were taken away by the people that run the country like they didn’t even matter, but overall, I was thrilled.”
The bill being proposed by House Representative Michael E. Capuano is aimed to cut down the possibility of contracting disease. The main goal of the bill is to remove citizens that are battling, have battled and survived and recovered from cancer out of the general public. Congressman hopes that the willingness of the general public to ban cigarette smoke from public bars will aide in passing this bill into law.
Capuano had this to say, “I am completely aware of the possibility of some heat and bitter debate that might come from this bill. I am totally aware of it. However, that does not change the fact that we need to move people with cancer away from healthy people. It’s going to be hard for some of us, but we will overcome, we are Americans! I am fully aware of the difficulties of this bill for example: my mother, brother, father, sister, grandfather, grandmother, uncle, aunt and all of my cousins have had cancer at one point in their life, heck even my best five friends have had cancer. It may be a little lonelier, but I feel safer already just getting this idea into the discussion in Washington with the brightest minds in the world.”
—At press release highly confused little old ladies were being shuffled into government vans and whisked to their new residences.
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