The Shockuation Room

The Importance Of Self Esteem
 
When is the last time you stopped and thought how important self-esteem is? It plays a factor in your life nearly every second of every day. Self-esteem also is connected to self image which we will cover later.
 
Self esteem can be defined as an individual’s self assessment of their strengths and weaknesses. However, I believe that self-esteem goes even deeper than that description. A crucial piece of information is that self-esteem can be improved no matter how great or how terrible you feel about yourself.
 
Take an honest assessment of your current self-esteem.
 
What are some of your strengths?
 
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What do you FEEL are some of your weaknesses?
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Now you’ve came up with strengths and weaknesses, which was easier for you to identify? Was it your strengths or weaknesses?
 
That last question is a key component that contributes to your overall self-esteem. If it is easier for you to come up with weaknesses rather than strengths, don’t panic, it doesn’t mean that you are forever locked into negative self talk.
 
In my opinion, it is far easier to have poor self-esteem than to have positive or good self-esteem. It is easier to complain about all the things we don’t like about ourselves or events that didn’t go our way: over and over… and OVER. For example: “My hair is stupid, and I don’t like how all my pants fit! My mother thinks that I need to quit my job! I deserved that job I applied for, I nailed that interview and didn’t even get a call back to tell me I wasn’t good enough.”
 
 
Again, take a second to think about how petty and deconstructive those statements are. By letting your brain only focus on the negative, what do you think your attitude is going to reflect?
 
Let me give you a hint: YOU’RE GOING TO FEEL MISERABLE! So stop it!
 
Individuals that don’t feel good about themselves can be spotted across the room without having to be watched for long. There are ways that individuals are able to discover how you another person is feeling, examples are: how a person sits in a chair, are their arms crossed, aggressively rocking in their chair, eye contact or lack of, the way an individual dresses, where they sit in a room: front row or hiding in the back, ( doesn’t matter if it is the classroom or an office meeting) how they walk (fast, slow or appearing to be carrying the weight of the world) head up or down, posture can be a sign of what is really going on in said person’s mind. Again, the basic premise I keep coming back to is, body language can be a dead giveaway on how an individual is feeling about themselves.
 
Remember, this is your life!
 
The negative or toxic people in your life DON’T CONTROL YOU, NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU BELIEVE OR DO ANYTHING! (REMEMBER THAT!!!!!) You need to remind yourself that as many times as you have to, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person if every day you say “I will not hang out with James because he triggers me to think poorly of myself.”
 
***~[]~***
 

Down here now!

Remind yourself again and again! As you can see as I am typing this I have already forgot how many times I have tried to remind myself/you to think positively and cut the negative people out of your life. Sometimes it is impossible to completely remove a person from your life, but you can stop yourself from having the same argument, over, and over, AND… Yup, you guessed it… OVER!
 
If you have old friends that constantly treat you like you aren’t worth their time unless you use or abuse a substance or they force you to believe that you must be used or abused you: then what are those “old friends?” It sounds an awful lot like a terrible relationship that needs to be erased, or cleaned from your life. In other words they are not a true friend. A true friend can look at you and known that something is wrong. They know you well enough to probe when it is important to absolutely let the fear or problem GO. Some of those toxic friends have made you feel great and they may not even realized how damaging the relationship was becoming, but when there is a relationship not built on having each others’ best interest there is a massive possibility for an abusive relationship to take shape or blossom into a living nightmare. As time goes and you are able to respect yourself those decisions begin to look as clear as an azure sky.
 
The urge of positive feedback, reassurance and love with always be a crucial part of a person’s psyche, but don’t let it consume you! Remember who you are and what you like about yourself. By letting yourself get consumed in a circular cycle of blame is extremely dangerous. It becomes more hazardous when you’re looking for what you need or desire in all the wrong places. It is like a highly confused Ferris Wheel with a disgruntle carnival worker who is spending his time texting while eating ten to fifteen pounds of cotton candy. Perhaps it is me, but I would have to wager that could possibly lead to a fairly frightening outcome. My guess is it would go something like this: people are laughing and smiling at the view enjoying the company of the person they are riding with and suddenly, without a hint of impending doom, with absolutely no warning the worker and ride simultaneously go haywire! Causing the ride to accelerate or dump passengers at height or speed directly off in to the big sleep. It may be me, but that sounds like the worst rollercoaster I have ever heard.
 
Your conceived problem(s) can last a whole life time particularly if you let them. It could be as phony as the scenario I discussed before or it could be stranger than fiction (real life) that we never ever want to relive again. That’s the joy of forgiveness and starting over.
 
Sorry, but, back to my redundancies.
 
When cleaning the same problem over and over your effort is stunted by the attempt to NEVER let anyone know the real you. There are a lot of different situations that you can fall into. Like, you’ve been told how big of a problem you have been all of your life or every time you have a moment of weakness someone comes out of nowhere and tells you that you’re no problem, I will take the blame for you. Again, confusion grows, guilt, resentment of yourself and isolation come out of hiding. And all the channels created to assist you in fixing or alleviating some your problem(s) become rearranged madness. The fear to tell the one person you know you need to tell becomes a larger issue than need be because admission of your problem, how big or how small allows a sliver, a crack a moment of weakness or inadequacy: and as humans, no one wants to feel small, accidental or unimportant.   
 
 
 I believe that after that rant it is important to discover people that have made a difference in your life without there being a concrete reward. It could be anyone, but please keep it clean and positive.
 
List at least three individuals that made a conscientious effort to help those in need without a guaranteed reward.
 
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Remember that because the people you chose above made an effort to help as many under privileged people around the world doesn’t mean that they never took time to care for themselves. I do believe it is important to note that by choosing the above people, there is great admiration toward them. I have a pretty good idea that one of the people you chose above was not Charles Manson.
 
Do this: look around the room (in the mirror when you have a chance to be alone) to realize just how lucky and great you are! So do it! Look around the room with a legitimate smile. Go a step farther, say “Hello.” Want to feel even better? Stand up, shake a person’s hand. I bet you will feel better about yourself. This not only helps you, it helps everyone else in the room. Don’t be afraid to let yourself laugh: that’s good medicine. 
 
Again an important factor to consider is how important it is to understand what self-esteem means to you. After you discover and can put into practice what it means to you: there are a lot of ways to boost your self-esteem. Remember to stay positive!
 
However, if you are struggling with your self-esteem, don’t kid yourself! It is better to be honest with yourself, locate what you are struggling with and eventually realize how you can improve your self-esteem over time. It is not going to be an over-night fix.
 
I believe that it is very important to describe in your own words what self-esteem means to you.
 
Like I mentioned before it may be difficult to describe what self-esteem means to you.  If you are struggling with coming up with positive self-esteem self talk ask yourself what would you suggest to yourself as a pick me up? I would suggest thinking of a person that you respect or believe to have high self-esteem and write down some words that describe them.
 
Positive self talk leads to positive self esteem.
 
The following are some examples to find what self esteem means to you.
 
 
We are not looking for any specific words, just words that mean something to you about that person.
 
“I like myself because I go out of my way to help people. I feel confident in my ability to be a great parent/son/daughter/cousin and so on.”
 
             

   
 
 
 
I know I am sounding like a broken record, but it is important to hammer home some of these messages, so on that note. Now you’ve done the above: in your own words define what self-esteem means to you?
 
             
Now you have focused on your self-esteem there is always more thoughts and ways to improve self-esteem.
 
More Ways To Improve Self Esteem

 
http://www.discoveryeducation.com/teachers/free-lesson-plans/self-esteem.cfm
http://www.selfempoweringtips.com/self-esteem/Self-Esteem-Lesson-Plans.html
http://www.selfempoweringtips.com/self-esteem/Activities-That-Promote-Self-Esteem.html
 
http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/rate.php

Gleaned by: JAM/Dictated, but not read well by Sanskrit Grumpay

Remember when I was going to Scienceville? I am still traveling there. It’s a long trip from the center of the Earth. That isn’t where I am coming from, however, instead I am coming from Michigan. Hey, “Say Yes” to Michigan already. Yes!

Sorry, sidetracked, I walked down to the lake after my nightmare. The nightmare that happened in my three hours of sleep. I had a dream that didn’t make a lot of sense. It was hard to follow, so please don’t think that the dream (i)s foul. It’s just difficult to follow. As I walked down to the large lake, was Lake Huron, I saw the sign as I approached the beach. The air was filled with clouds that didn’t belong. Belonging was not their nature and it was not a part of this story, beside the fact that they were hanging in the air like death. Grey and black, wishing they could morph into giant air fortresses determined to release their poison on any and everything below. It was only after I woke that I began to think that maybe they were bombers instead of clouds.

Back to the point. The dream was heavy. It weighed upon my mind in waves. Larger waves than those that crash and roll back into the coast of lake Huron. The dream had something to do with the beginning of the end. People were fearful, yet excited. They were sure if they sat on the beach, from north to south down the coast: waiting for the current to come in and high tide would provide their sustenance. They would drink of the water and bath themselves all in one swoop of the lake’s wake. Possibly awakening their minds with more bright ideas on how to change the world. Time magazine had already named the “Protestor” to be the person of the year. Smart choice, if you’re an idiot.

The people that stretched together hand in hand along the coast didn’t understand why they were doing what they were doing, but at this point it didn’t matter. They were making noise on megaphones, saying things like “CHANGE,” and “Hope!” “Freedom!” “Lower Taxes!” “Tax the rich!” “Let us smoke drugs!” And all other signs of lunacy that would make sense if the rest of the country was medicated. And… They were. Some way or another. One in four people on this planet has a mental illness. Did you know this? I did.

Let me ruin something for you. Life doesn’t come easy for any of us, and if it did then that person would more than likely squander everything that they were given because it was so easy to fall in their lap.

Everyone that made an effort to guide Gene in his quest for understanding his own reality, did it in their own way. Thinking that they must be correct, after all, only a truly great person would take time out of their busy schedule to help a poor young man of that was not aided by typical means. Honestly how could anyone trying to be a James Bond cross bred with Ru Paul not succeed? Luckily this version of Ru Paul thought that philosophy was pretty hot. Almost as hot as he/she thought she/he was hot. So she was really going “Was he a boy or a girl?” He seemed very interested at first if there could have been a fluff- For whatever reason it propelled him into trying to figure out every problem in the world besides his own nagging question. He started looking at pictures for hours at a time, studying, analyzing, breaking them down, building them up. Gene would look at the picture and decide if it was a model’s face on a fat body or reverse or esrever. He wasn’t interested in proving people right or wrong, he was doing it out of sheer boredom.

He would go to large mega stores and stand in front of the magazine racks and look at muscle building mags, his friends thought he wanted to get huge and ripped. But, in reality he was looking to see how ridiculous the person looked and how happy he was to be such bulky-huge and not be able to bend down to grab his tenny-shoes. Sad day.

His friends would leave him at the magazine rack and Gene would continue his break down from one mag to the next, not even noticing that his friends had left him alone. When he finally noticed he didn’t care in the traditional sense of, “OH, MY, God! Where are my friends?” He cared in the sense that, “Oh, great, now I have to walk up and down all the aisles hoping to God that I can find them before they’ve all checked out and went back to the van.” Great times. The only reason that that disturbed him was because he hated to make people uncomfortable. Gene had developed the art of self Martyrdom, not in the sense that he would Bryan Adams you (ANYTHING I DO… I DO IT FOR YOU), but instead that he would make a complete ass out of himself to take the pressure off the person or persons that in a sense would be the most nervous. Gene was excellent at this. However, this as he aged led to a giant predicament.

Gene’s: family, friends, nuances, trainees, bosses, sub-bosses, relatives, haters, lovers, acquaintances, girlfriends (significant others((friends)), boyfriends (best friends((sub best friends), all started to believe that Gene was very strong. He could take whatever any one would dish out. But, in truth, he was the most insecure, saddest, self critical individual that any of them knew or didn’t know. He tried his hardest not to complain unless he knew that his friends, or family would agree with it. He did his best to accept all blame that came his way, even if it did start to make him feel like he was worthless. It was a tough time in Gene’s life, but this is what Gene had been doing his entire life. People said he was weird, but weird was good right? It is an interesting thought if you stop and think about it. Stop. And. Think about it.

(PART 4?)

Guyvillisburgsontownwellmandudenfield- A man wakes up with plenty of time to spare. He has an important day ahead of him and, like any responsible person has left a good deal of extra time to his disposal in case of emergency.

Anyway, he will be able to take a shower, eat, get ready and all this can be done at his leisure. He brushes the teeth, shaves the face, and hops into the shower. Gets himself Zestfully clean and feels like he’s ready to conquer the world.

Man, who I will now call Quincy, dries off, puts on a pair of short knickers and heads for his bedroom. There he examines his closet quickly: finds a pair of brownish pants, grabs them, finds a yellowish shirt, grabs a yellowish tie, then grabs a blueish argyle sweater vest. “Yes, this will work,” says Quincy. His eyes are still adjusting, so he leaves the light off. He is clothed in a matter of about 8 minutes.

He walks back into the bathroom to see what the finished product looks like. He notices that all the colors go with something else in some scheme or another. However, he then begins to worry that just because he thinks that his ‘outfit’ (and I use that term loosely, because MEN don’t make outfits, they make stuff that works for the day) works and he looks smashing doesn’t mean that the women at work won’t make fun of him for this heinous act of style murder. He can imagine it now…

“Did you see what he wore?! How would he ever think that he could pull off that outfit. And wearing white shoes!? He’s not fooling anybody.

Yikes. Poor Quincy…

Now, how to get dressed with a female. Let’s just call her your current significant other.

Let’s say you are at her place. You spent the night and brought enough clothes to get ready and go where you need to after spending time with “the love of your life.”

The alarm clock goes off at an UNGODLY time. You frantically search for it, but it’s no where to be found. (That search is limited to what you can reach without getting off the bed.) Finally, you find it hidden under stuffed animals and pillows on your side of the bed of course. You look at the time and it’s 5:55 a.m. Your soul mate has some how managed to fall back asleep or stay sleeping throughout this entire process. It’s mind blowing, but so are females in general.

In an attempt to be as gentle and caring as possible you lean over and whisper “What time do you need to get up and ready for work?” In a stupor she responds, “10:00 a.m.”

Instantly your blood boils. You start thinking to yourself, “don’t say it, don’t say anything, don’t say a single word about why the heck she sat the alarm for that time, just DON’T QUINCY.” So, now you’re awake, therefore you get out of bed softly, not to disturb the princess. But, you fail, she’s awake. And now you’re her slave until you leave for work.

“Yes?”

“Do you think you could get me a glass of ice water, oh, and a Motrin?”

“How big of a glass? How many Motrin?”

“Just pick one, it’s not hard. And get me the whole bottle if you can make a damn decision on your own accord.”

“Yes, my love.”

Grab the pills, grab the water. Climb the stairs to hear the shower on.

Yup, she did it. She got in the shower before me. The next 45 minutes were to be nothing not unlike torture.

Finally, she’s out. You hop in wash like a monkey on cocaine. Get out through on the clothes your brought. You catch the GF out of the corner of your eye waving her head in disagreement with the choice of clothing.

Oh, no. Do I defend how I look (Worst choice) B. Ask her to help pick out something better because she’s so stylish.

She does. Then she wants to have coffee so you can talk, you say sure, but tell her only one or two cups because you need to get to work as soon as possibly. Of course this hurts her feelings. “Why can’t we ever just enjoy something, you are always ruining things with your gotta be here gotta be there.”

“Sorry dear, do you want to come to my place after work?”

“No! Your place is chilly and I am always at your house.”

“Maybe we can meet at a neutral spot. Like Kaathiey Annieleedoodle Park?”

“Sure, It’ll be fun.”

As I was leaving her apartment, I sent her a text in an effort to end the relationship. I told her this “I’m not sure if I have the time for a serious relationship.”

She responded by saying, “Never always say, never always say, DEATH is FOREVER.”

———————–

Anonymous

Springfield Illinois- Rod Blagojevich, the former governor of Illinois, was sentenced earlier today to 14 years in federal prison. Blagojevich was convicted on 18 felony corruption charges, the most famous of all was, his effort to sell or trade the Senate seat that President Obama left behind when he moved to the White House. The prosecution claimed that the outcome of the trail was nearly exactly what they had hoped it would be.

The real reason I am writing this breaking news piece is to shed light on the lesser charges of the 18 felony corruption convictions. Rod Blagojevich and his lawyer were able to slide a couple issues away from the forefront of the trial. If you put your thinking cap on you begin to see that there were a couple of charges that no one had been talking about. They are just as important as the other ones. They are important in establishing character and basically how solid of a person he is.

His hair… HIS HAIR!
I imagine that I am not the only one to notice the fluffy goodness of his hair, but goodness,
Am I the only person in the free or for that matter unfree world that looks at this guys hair and instantly have an aneurysm? I mean it, I can actually feel the blood shoot off my brain. What the heck is wrong with his dang hair!!?? It’s like the Donald’s but, just, worse! SOME HOW!

The lawsuit that was filled against Rod Blagojevich had more than 31 different charges, at least 12 of them had to do with that mop on his head. Sheesh!

After the media frenzy died down I got a chance to meet with the judge. Judge James Zagel was a pleasant man and seemed relieved. I asked, “are you happy to be on to the next case?”

Zagle was looking down, eating a home made tuna fish sandwich. He took a bit, looked me in the eye, finished the bit, swallowed and stated, if I had to see his hair for one more day, I was going to hold him in contempt of court and send him straight to the barber.

The last half of year, of my entire life has been a touchy situation. Sleep has been an ongoing theme. A theme that if I was graded on would be failing. I created new and recreated old forms of sleeping: from trying every possible angle in which sleep would enter a person’s soul, the couch, to the bed, hanging from a pullup bar whilst pretending to be Batman. Nothing worked. When I did get four or more hours of sleep I woke up with so much fatigue that I could have been a spokesman for fatigues or for that matter anything dealing with lethargy. Ask a college student if they saw a picture of me rolling out of bed and getting to class three minutes before the final exam. Because it’s happened. Many dirty looks I have got, when showing up right on time or slightly late for a final exam. The mutterings are anything, but library voice volume. Not a lot of people cared much. Only caring enough to make certain that you heard their opinion on the matter.

How did you sleep last night?

Anyway!

The story sort of started like this. At least the person who told it to me said it started a lot like this. But, like I’ve said: I’m kind of tired, are you? Sorry, I won’t ask for at least a few more minutes. BUT! I need you to be honest with me. Wait, don’t you remember, my friend? By planting the seed of sleep inside of your lush, fertile brain: your brain latched onto that idea and said, “yup, sleep sounds good. Let me remind you of how much I like to sleep.” So, you like sleep. Good, so do I. Are you tired yet? Good thing you have a couple hours to call your own.

When I am able to get to sleep, there isn’t much that can knock it off the platform for most important thing in life at that instance. Let’s say that if I was at a medal ceremony during the Olympics and I had won the event, but was suddenly offered the Gold Medal in whatever event I wanted to win the most: in exchange, I would receive the Gold medal for that event if I gave up the one in which I had won. What a thrill, it’s something I always wanted to do! Oh, the agony of decision. The determining factor would be that the event that I won was best in sleep. The TV cameras would not be on me, and instead of the three level podium, I would get one bed in which to enjoy a glorious life time of sleep. Not at once of course, but at my own leisure, every night or whenever was deemed necessary.

There was a large neon yellow sticky paper on my keyboard, it said, “Oh, hey there. Thanks for coming around…” It was signed half way legible, half Swahili. There was a P.S. it said, thanks for dinner last night.

I hoped it was a genuine, glad to see me type message, but as I over analyzed everything, just like normal. I realized it was my jealous boss. Always upset that I could meet deadline

It was Thursday, it was gray, it was rainy, cold and uninviting, it was a type of day that you could easily forget about. And most people would head to the bars to attempt to forget this one as soon as God, Country, Queen, work, time and I would allow them.

I put my head down on my computer desk to think a little harder. It felt great, my muscles relaxed and I could feel the joy of the extended blink.

There was a crash of metal and then a large gross splat. I woke up in a semi-panic, I didn’t know where I was, my face was covered with what I hoped were newspapers. It smelled like three day old stale stink, and that wasn’t even the bad smelling corner of the room. I knocked whatever was on my face off of it. I knew I needed food and drink. But, again, what time was it? Where was I? And most importantly could I trust someone to get me though? I walked out of my cluttered office, into a long and what looked like an abandoned hallway. I took a gander to the right then left as I instantaneously hopped over a gallon of skim milk, three corn beef and Swiss sandwiches and ended up right on schedule for the train to Scienceville, OH. I wasn’t really sure as to why I was going, especially because the only reason I knew that the town was real was from religiously searching bizarre names of cities and villages, in great hopes of finding a story that was bigger.

In this story it was known for a fact that there was a rumor of a person that didn’t make a lot of sense, but at the same time most of the people around him believed almost everything he said. The weather was weird, but it wasn’t very warm, so I didn’t care more than I should have. Scienceville was a very interesting town, and just so happened to be the town that the said person was supposed to be freaking everyone out, yet, at the same time making the most rational points that the world was pumping out. I went there to find out just why there was a person claiming to be sane, and at the same time was being watched by nearly every single entity in the known universe. The best part of an entity is that they don’t actually have to exist, that’s why rumors were so large that known and unknown entities were circling this poor soul, night and day. He was forced to believe that these entities were around him, he was never told otherwise his entire life.

The person’s name was Gene Lucas. Gene is 37 years old and has accomplished a lot more than most people his age, but at the same point, a lot less. It’s just a matter of prospective. For a good part of his life Gene tried to figure out if he was a woman or a man. People called him pretty, a lot of the time: this confused him to no end. He would ask his mom if he was a boy or a girl and she would say: “you’re our special boy, Gene. You can be whatever you want.” Gene hated that response and he also hated open ended questions, not only did he have to put up with a ridiculous question, but he was forced to give some type of a prophecy. Those type of questions made his blood boil and his desire to retort with great wrath shown through his dress shirt ripping open in comic book fashion.

(Look for part 3 of ?)

Now, you may be wondering to yourself, “Why would I want to get sick, Doc?”

And that’s an interesting question. Thanks for asking, let me answer it by posing another question, did you actually read the title or are you one of those selective readers/listeners? Anyway, you can count on me and the rest of the Shockuation crew to keep you up to date with all breaking news as well as health updates. Basically, don’t go to any website besides this one.

I will know!  And it will not end well.

A Few Easy Ways To Prevent The Whole Winter Sickness Thing:

1. Just because it’s dark out and cold doesn’t mean that you actually need to start behaving like you’re going into hibernation. We are not bears. We are humans! Right?

In a recent study conducted by Dr. Sanksrit Grumpay, a vast majority of people stop doing regular activities and start laying on the couch continuously: creating a cycle of sleep-eat-work(if you’re lucky enough to have a job)-eat-lay on couch-eat again- lay on couch- eat ice cream-sleep on couch-go to bed- repeat. You may think, oh boy I’m going to get huge. That’s actually not true. Weight gain in the winter months is normally a natural thing. However, there are some contributing factors that that makeweight gain, sickness and depression worse than normal.

I am aware that I am jumping all over the place. But, all of this is important for your mental and physical wellness.

Here are some of my suggestions for maintaining wellness.

Sleep!

Remember when parents, babysitters, rappers, random people that were just annoyed with you told you to G0 TO SLEEP or take a nap for cryin’ out loud?Those people have a point. Many people take sleep for granted. I know how great the urge is to stay awake, knowing that tomorrow morning comes soon and with it work, but continuing to hold on in a futile effort to glimpse one final good thing on TV. The recommended amount of sleep varies for the different age groups, but a lack of sleep contributes to many illnesses. It raises the risk factors greatly for diseases like: diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, obesity, and depression.

Recommended hours of sleep:

Drink fluids!

If you do end up getting sick or feel a cold/flu sneaking up on you it is very important to get a lot of water into your system. This causes your body to flush possible toxins out of your body, as well as carries important nutrients to places in your body, Plus, it quite possibly may be able to ward off virus/bacteria before it really starts reeking horror on your body.

The supposed rule for keeping your body hydrated is 8, 8oz. glasses of water. That equals 64 oz. That’s not a bad amount of water to drink, but really the goal should be more than the 64oz. The amount necessary depends on a few more factors: the size of the person, the gender of the person and if the person has any chronic illness or problems with certain vital organs.

Wash Your Hands!

Think of everything we touch per day. EW. Hand sanitizer is a good alternative to the ole, soap and water, soap, soap and water, however it can cause skin irritation, depending on the individual’s sensitivity to certain chemicals. Seriously, just wash your hands!

Dress Appropriately!

If it’s cold out, put on a coat, a hat and some gloves! Seriously, it’s not that hard.

Lastly-

If you are sick, take a day off and get better before going back into your routine. There is no need to punish the people you work with.

So there were a few tips… If you need more send me an email or leave a comment….

Stay healthy! Till next time I’m Sanskrit Grumpay, MD and you’re in the Shockuation Room.

Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay is one of the foremost intellectual leaders on everything.

-James Dust

Sanilac County, MI- So, when was the last time you drove? Yesterday? Today? RIGHT NOW?!?!!? Please, don’t pick the last one.

Anyway. Have you ever stopped and thought about how insane driving is? I’m being pretty serious here. People are controlling these two ton machines with four or more wheels and most of the people are: singing, dancing, eating, sleeping, smoking, drinking, making sweet love to their face, (putting make up on) adjusting their sunglasses, checking the mirrors: but only to see if someone is watching how cool they look driving in their awesome Pontiac G6 they got from their SWEET 16 party.

I understand that sentence might be a lot to handle at once. That’s why I am allowing you to go back and read it again if you desire. Go on. Go back up there and read it. Do any of those apply to you?

FOR SHAME!!!!

Do you ever get so scared that you’re driving like an idiot when a cop approaches that you immediately slam on the breaks and go 54 MPH? How about you do that, then you forget where you were actually going and end up missing your street/road?

SHIRLEY YOU DON’T DO THAT!!!

I got an idea…

Let’s use some pictures to demonstrate what I mean.

Who would win in a fight?

A big red Astro Van or a Chevy Duramax Truck

VS.

Ok, now let’s make this into a little math strategy game…

Let’s say that the Red Astro Van was traveling at 60 MPH heading to the east. The person driving the Astro Van was sober, but a complete dork. That doesn’t factor into the equation too much besides the fact that he/she might be a little overzealous. Anyway… He/she left at 8:05 a.m. to arrive at a meeting twenty five minutes early. The meeting is 21 miles away. What time does the Big Red Van arrive at the meeting? Don’t forget to factor in the the driver of the Chevy truck who runs all stops signs, drives over the center line and all and all drives like a psychopath.

The correct answer is…

Yep, it's Robert Blake.

You guessed it… ROBERT BLAKE! (The man that’s excuse when his wife was murdered was that “he returned to the restaurant because he had left his own gun in the booth where they had just finished eating.”)

Stay Tuned For More Riddles

Coyote Rush

*Note from Editor.*

*There was a lot of crazy people around everyone when this story was written. Many of them tried to help this story blossom. Most just thought it was awesome and should be left alone. Leaving a story: alone, unread, unnoticed, unloved or hated is the worst thing you can do to a reader or writer. The story also suffers, because the longer a story survives without being complete the more likely it is to allow acids and bases to infiltrate the writing, eventually destroying what the story tried to stand for.*

Thank You,

*Judame Brazenfeld*

Let’s start on an even playing field.

I am not better than you, nor are you better than I. You are reading, while I am sitting back hoping you will continue to do so. What you are reading is my barely decipherable vocabulary, placed in positions that will continue to aid and at times hinder your ability to do so. Keep in mind that I was born and I will die, just like you my nameless friend. I hope I can call you my friend.

Anyway, my name, at this point is unimportant, some of you are aware that I ask real and imaginary questions to real and imaginary people. Their responses, at times come out as undigested verbal and nonverbal aspirations of vomit that can be confused with conversation. At times this job can get really confusing. For example, you’re writing a great essay on a topic that could be your claim to fame when it is released. You wake up in the morning one day and your dog ate your homework. Who the hell would believe that? Especially, when your dog has a penchant for eating fully operational laptops: unbiasedly in price, make or model, color, creed or political affiliation. Trust me, ‘Tree Rollins’ (my dog) loves eating.

Anyway, after my last article, “Writing Respective Reflections Betwixt The Disrespectful Times,” was not published in the highly respected Journal of Highly Respected Essays on Importantly Important Social Literature, I did not cry. But, instead wrote the most thrilling story that my cat, ‘Sophisticated’, “Fisty Cat” for short, had ever gazed eyes upon.

1. You call back and say, “Hey Janine, sorry about the bug eyes thing.”
2. You make CERTAIN that the bathtub is trying to eat you before you cause mass chaos.
3. Dogs and cats living together!
4. If there is a chance that a baby named Oscar is going to be possessed, by a demi-god named Vigo, then please, oh please, wrap him up in a Joe Willy Namath jersey as soon as possible.
5. Do not go into your frig, there may be a lot of junk food.

Remember to suck in the guts, they are the Ghostbusters.