Upon further inspection there was nothing that resembled what belonged underneath a normal hood. It looked as if I had opened the hood to find a mythical city. There was a waterfall where the battery belonged, Unicorns frolicked to and fro, there was a wizard sitting on a lily pad and of course there were Shruberbubery Trees. I blinked my eyes continuously, but nothing changed! I shut the hood repeatedly and still nothing changed. Ted, what is going on!??! Of course there was no response. I felt a rush of panic coming over me. I tried to keep my composure, but it was difficult as I was close to JFK, but now had a vehicle that had a magical land where the engine was supposed to be!
I got in the car and tried starting it, nothing happened, besides a Smigley Shmo cursing me for even attempting to start Ted. I got out of the car and danced to remember and danced to forgot. Finally, I got back in the car and tried starting it again. The shock of all shocks happened, Ted sprung to life and for some reason, with the “I Dream of Jenie,” theme floating in the air around Ted and I. I said, to myself, “At least it’s not Creed,” and continued down the road.
I heard a faint siren coming from somewhere that I couldn’t quite place, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw what looked like a police car, it got closer so I pulled over and it pulled in right behind me. I leaned over to the glove-box and pulled out registration and proof of insurance. When I looked again in the rear-view mirror the police car looked odd. I studied it harder, it seemed to be a modified clown car made to look like an official police car.
The police car sat motionless behind me for quite some time. Finally, a car door was opened and large man in a police uniform stepped out. He took large steps, but it appeared like he was moving in slow-motion toward the car. When he got to the car he asked for my license and registration, which I handed to him immediately.
“Nice car you got here, mind if I take a look under the hood?” he said.
I popped the hood for him.
He came back to my window and said, “Mmhm, just as I thought. Do you have papers for what’s under your hood?”
“What are you talking about?” I said.
“You have a level four village powering your Fiat, like I said, do you have papers for it?” The officer said, which I could now see his name was M. Clambake.
“Sir, I gave you all the papers I have. I have the car insurance, the registration and my license. I don’t have anything for the level four, what was it, village or some. I don’t even understand how a level four village could power my car?” I said.
“You know exactly how it can power a car and you know exactly how illegal it is without the proper permit. Now, we can either do this the hard way or the easy way. Take your pick.”
“What’s the easy way?” I say.
“Get out of the car Mr. Pepper.” said the officer.
“What did I-
The officer interjects, “Stop the insubordination if you don’t want to spend the night in jail, get out of the car young man!”
I open the car door and get out of the car immediately putting my hands above my head. He leads me around to the front of Ted and points down at where my engine should be. I pretend to be surprised, but I can tell he sees right through it.
“Don’t give me any of that crap, Pepper. I know what’s going on here.” He said.
Without thinking I blurt out, “Good, that makes one of us.”
Instantly I’m on the ground and handcuffed.
Shruberbubery Trees!!! Finally, they are back in the news! Permission to say, shruberbubery.
Safe travels, Pepper. Love, your twin twin.
Permission to say… “Cock.”